|Make sure your first date leads to romance!|
Question: I went on a first date with this guy the other night. I thought it went great but when I told my friends about it, they were very skeptical. They were coming up with all these "first date" rules about how he should have paid for everything, opened doors for me, walked to my apartment door and come get me, etc. I feel like all that stuff is too old fashioned and not sure if I agree with these "rules." What do you think? (Santa Monica, CA)
Social Shrink: Although we don't always agree with "rules" of the dating game, especially when it comes to first dates, there are certain things you might want to look for in a guy. Of course, this can differ for each person and situation. The first date is very important because it will leave a long lasting impression.
Here are some general rules we like to follow when it comes to a first date:
- He should cater towards you suggestions for the first date. When planning a first date with a guy, give your input and hear his. You can tell he is a nice guy if he caters more towards your suggestions than what he wants to do. If he pressures you into only doing what he wants, then let him know he can attend this date - without you.
- The guy should pay for dinner. Even if you make more than him or if you are the unconventional type, at least let him pay for dinner. You can offer to pay for drinks or an activity (i.e. movie) after. A guy that is willing to pay for dinner shows he wants to take YOU out.
- Make sure there is no talk about an ex. If he starts talking about an ex-gf, let him know that you could care less about his ex! He should be there focused on you, not digging up little tidbits or past experiences about her.
- Which brings us to our next rule: Make sure he is paying attention to YOU. If he is constantly on his phone texting, calling, playing games, etc. then he is being rude and making things very uncomfortable for you.
- Make sure he's not too needy. If he expects you to do everything, or cater to his every need on the first date, imagine what would happen if you guys had a relationship together?
- Make sure he isn't too touchy-feely. He doesn't know you or what your boundaries are; he shouldn't even attempt to cross them unless you give him the signal.
- Pay attention at the end of the night when you two depart. Does he give you a hug goodbye? A goodnight kiss? Try to make out with you? Try to take you home? These are some things to look for and if anything doesn't match how the date went (i.e., really great chemistry during the date and he just gives you a handshake at the end of the night, or really awkward silence during dinner then he tries to take you home) then he's not reading your signals and probably is not a good match for you.
Despite everything, you said the date went great and enjoyed his company. So even if your friends don't believe he followed their "rules," you have to decide for yourself. While your friends are just looking out for you, you were the one that went on the date and should know how well it went. Go with your gut feeling about this guy. Though first dates are your first impression of a potential significant other, if things don't go well, it's completely your choice to give him another chance. Just make sure you aren't giving too many.
Did we miss out on any other ‘rules’? Share any additions and thoughts in our comments section!